Hello World My Name is Jessica

I'd say today, because I haven't slept yet. Insomnia or more likely excitement for having my HCG arrive this past afternoon! I was and am still excited. This past week I was very upset when I realized I miscalculated and TOM (time of month) arrived a week earlier than expected, it was the normal time I just can't count LOL, and I didn't think I was going to receive the HCG in time to start the protocol immediately after TOM left as I had been planning. But apparently the HCG gods were looking out for me because TOM is still here, and hopefully fingers crossed leaving tomorrow or Wednesday. So the plan is to load Thursday and Friday!

I am blessed to have my boyfriend of just under 7 months doing the protocol with me. I am so thankful for this because we eat out a ton! If it wasn't for the loading, I'm not sure if he would have so easily jumped on board with me. I know HCG is the answer, I have seen my mom lose 51 pounds since mid April with 2 rounds and with this 3rd round she will be in uncharted territory with her weight since she's had children, starting with me her oldest almost 23 years ago.

I am not quite 23, October 10th is the big day, and I am so committed to this that I will be on VLCD during my birthday with no birthday cake for me. But I do not care. I want to wear a bikini for the first time in my life next summer, ok it doesn't count when my girlfriend forced me to go to the beach with her in her bikini- I felt like a fat cow (well I was LOL). Yesterday I stepped on the scale and I have yet again reached my highest weight, the same weight I peaked at 2 years ago when I went through a really deep depression. And with the load days I know I'm going to go even higher. That scares me so much, but I know I will never see my body like this again. Not even when I start to have a family someday, because I know if I fix this problem now, at this young age I will never look back to this!

I have struggled with my weight since I was 9 and in the 4th grade. I remember a boy in my class was asking a group of us kids what our weights were. One of my best friends at the time who was a natural thin girl proudly said 60 lbs, I knew I was bigger than her, but my heart sunk. I was 88.5 lbs, Mom had just weighed me recently, and I was glad not to be 89. The boy got to me and guessed and guessed and because of that .5 he couldn't guess it. Finally after the pestering I gave in and said it, I was ashamed. I do not remember my weight again until the 7th grade I was 125 lbs and I was reading the Atkins Low Carb Diet Plan book. I would read it during lunch and munch on very little amounts of proteins. I have been on and off of diets since. And I never stick with it, usually its the off eating whatever plan. I have steadily increased my weight since. And the most I've ever lost was 14 lbs and it took me 7 months, with tons of exercise and stress from being the fattest girl surrounded by 20 skinny minnies, and I was still the fat girl. And all during this time I was dancing many hours a week, so I know its what I put in my mouth that is going to either keep me fat or change the rest of my life, and I choose the latter. But the 2 times where my weight has skyrocketed the most was during the 2 biggest times of depression in my life, first during my junior year of high school where I first crossed the 150 mark, and secondly during my junior year of college when I got all the way up to 186. And here I am again! But this time it is it! I am done and HCG is the answer. It just makes sense. My hypothalamus has been messed up a ton and now it is time to change it before I ruin my life and my health even more with my fork and my knife.

Wow I'm long winded. I'm not even sure if anyone is going to read this. If you do and this helps you that's great. But mostly this is here for me to have a record of where I have come from.

HCG, its you and me, and Roy, and Mom. We are here to change our lives!